If I do end up having , will it always be this painful?

No! It will not be that painful. The first outbreak is always the worst outbreak. Mine was kind of similar. Burned bad when I peed and everything. But since then my outbreaks have been wayyyy less severe. No burning at all. Once on antivirals is a lot more controlled. I really hope your tests come back negative. Nobody deserves . But if it is its not the end of the world. It doesn't change any of the things that used to attract guys to you. I have up and down days but I'm coping. If you have any questions at all just email me I would love to help! huntj6946@uwc.edu